The X-Calvinist Corner is a page on this website that shares the stories of people who were once Calvinist but have left Calvinism for a more Arminian theology. This series (The X-Calvinist Corner Files) highlights one of the testimonies from the X-Calvinist Corner in each installment.
Today’s testimony is from Cody W.:
How did you become a Calvinist?
It’s a bit foggy to be honest. I’m 21 now, and I’ve been in a reformed environment since I was first going to church (at a very young age). I feel like as is the case for many people, I was much more of an Arminian even before I was aware of the term, and then at some point, through the influence of a group of friends that I began spending time with and still spend time with, I adapted a Calvinistic method of reading the Bible. I wasn’t aware that I was more of an Arminian before this, so it would be more accurate to say that Calvinism was my first system of theology not my second. I also remember the strong flavor of monergism in the churches that I attended throughout my formative years. Point of all this background being: I never so much “became” a Calvinist as I was literally under the impression that Calvinism was the only legitimate way of interpreting the Bible, and, quite frankly, a departure from Calvinism would be a departure from true Christianity.
What did you find most compelling about Calvinism?
To be brutally honest, I hated Calvinism almost as soon as I started thinking about it directly (which was strangely years after I became a Calvinist, probably when I was 17-ish). You’ll have to remember though, that I was in an environment that made the Calvinistic system the only “real” system, so as I began hating Calvinism, in my mind, I was hating God. It was terrible. I felt as if God was a nightmare that I couldn’t escape from. The only real reason I didn’t walk away during this time was fear of damnation. To be fair and try to answer the original question in some way, I do remember enjoying the idea of eternal security. Even this was double-edged though, because there was always the fear that something would come to pass in my life proving that I wasn’t a “genuine believer.”
Why did you begin to question your Calvinistic convictions? / What primarily led to you abandoning Calvinism?
I think God blessed me first with a deep unrest over Calvinism within myself. Over its doctrines. Over how convoluted the exegesis seemed to me. Over what it implied about God. These feelings that I had never really caused me to seriously question my Calvinistic convictions or led me away from Calvinism directly though, both because I realized that feelings can’t be placed above what the Bible says, and with that, I was still under the impression that there was no other way of reading the Bible. I think God’s intent for the 3-4 years I struggled through emotionally was that this time made me emotionally ready and desperate for a fresh look at the Scriptures. I was in such a place that eventually, I was either going to abandon God wholesale or something was going to give. God was kind to me. Really the only person that I was honest about these feelings with was my Mom. She happens to meet with a number of young women to counsel them and mentor them, and one of these women wanted to talk about/question Calvinistic doctrines such as predestination etc. Very quickly my Mom began seeing the truth of an Arminian reading of the Bible and shared her findings with me. I’m glad she did because I was so burnt out on God that I’m not sure I would have ever seriously researched alternatives to Calvinism. This was only a couple of months ago, but I’m already learning so much. I call myself an Arminian, and I love how I feel like I’m actually reading the Bible in a clear, consistent manner now. My faith no longer rests on truths behind the truths, but rather on the clear, contextual, holistic revelation of Scripture. I’m excited to see where God leads me.
What kind of support or opposition did you encounter while questioning your Calvinistic beliefs?
I haven’t experienced much opposition mostly because I haven’t told too many people. I’ve had a couple tense conversations with friends, but no serious opposition or unkindness from people I know. I have already experienced a wealth of support. It’s great to be able to bounce ideas and share findings with my Mom. Also, I’ve been very blessed by the website and subsequent Facebook community affiliated with The Society of Evangelical Arminians. I’ve been able to learn a lot from members of the group that obviously know their stuff a lot better than I do. If you read this please pray that God would continue to encourage me through his Word and any other means. Thanks.
