Killing Ants

, posted by Kevin Jackson

[A bit of satire to make a point about the Calvinistic view of election]

When I was a kid I used to get a lot of enjoyment from killing ants. I loved to stir up their hills and stomp on them. Sometimes I would burn the loathsome insects with a magnifying glass. A favorite method of ant termination was to flood their hills with water. It was satisfying to watch them struggle and drown.

After starting a flood I would sometimes stick a twig in the water to let a few special ants out. They weren’t special because of anything they had done, but because I chose to let them live. It was always first necessary to terminate a massive numbers of ants before showing any mercy. I needed to express my attribute of wrath, and the elect ants had to appreciate that they were living because of my good pleasure.

Keep in mind that all of the ants I killed had it coming. Ants bite even when you command them not to.

You might wonder how the ants felt about all this? They were no doubt in awe and reverence that I let any of them live. I could have killed them all, but instead I maximized my glory by letting a few of them live. I could also make up whatever rules I felt like, because I had the power to. If the ants didn’t like it, they could always talk to the heal of my shoe.

I had two wills regarding the ants. My revealed will was that I really loved the ants and didn’t want any of them to die. My secret will was that I hated ants and wanted to kill them. If that seems paradoxical, that’s because it’s necessary to distinguish between what I wanted to have happen and what I willed to have happen.

If all this is still confusing, remember, the mind of a grade-schooler is a mystery.

[For those who are concerned, the ant sadism can be traced to two events. 1) In kindergarten I blundered into a rather large red ant hill. This did not work out too well for me. 2) When I was in fifth grade I read a short story called Leiningen Versus the Ants. Read that story and you will hate ants too. It was providential that Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull had not yet been released, or NO ants would have survived.]

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