The X-Calvinist Corner is a page on this website that shares the stories of people who were once Calvinist but have left Calvinism for a more Arminian theology. Here is a new entry to the page by a man named Jonathan E. Bennett
How did you become a Calvinist?
To give a broad overview of my upbringing in the faith, I was raised in an Assemblies of God home, saved through a Southern Baptist church, and discipled through a Presbyterian (PCA) church. After attending the latter several years, during a visit to Reformed Theological Seminary Orlando, a friend introduced my roommate and me to the TULIP by walking us through Romans 9. Though I had heard about predestination and Calvinism here and there, this was my first time hearing it presented in such clear and biblical terms. I heartily, though slightly hesitantly, embraced the “doctrines of grace”. Soon after, I united my membership with the PCA and continued growing in my convictions of these doctrines.
What did you find most compelling about Calvinism?
Calvinism’s robust quality – From my experience, many adopt Calvinism due to a crisis of faith regarding assurance. For me, it was a crisis of faith regarding puny doctrine. I was introduced to the doctrines of grace during a deeply formative time in my Christian life. I was hungry for the Word and grasping Christianity’s teachings. I did not have time for milk. I needed meat and Calvinism delivered!
Calvinism’s coherency – As many have testified, each of the doctrines of grace build upon and depend on one another. The TULIP just hung together so beautifully!
Calvinism’s God-centeredness – Calvinism’s primary concern was God and His glory in saving undeserving sinners. This stirred up in me worship, obedience, love, joy, and a desire to proclaim Him to others.
Non-Calvinism’s Response – The majority of the non-Calvinists I knew who recoiled at the TULIP lacked depth of doctrine, failed to grasp Scripture’s unity, and centered their preaching and thinking on man’s felt needs. Their negative reaction to these rich teachings confirmed the authenticity in my mind.
Why did you begin to question your Calvinistic convictions?
Several factors led me to question Calvinism, some long-term, some short-term.
My non-Calvinist wife and mother-in-law – My first date with my now wife essentially consisted of a debate about the TULIP with a Bible in front of us. Ironically, though I disagreed with her conclusions, this woman’s firm convictions and love for the Word attracted me. I later met her mother, who possessed the same qualities as my wife. Neither of them “converted” me to Arminianism, but my relationship with them affected me in three ways: 1.) My wife would bring up implications of Calvinism I could not refute. For example, “If Calvinism is true, at the end of the day, some people have no hope.” 2.) When debating issues such as the extent of the atonement and God’s desire for all to be saved, my mother-in-law would argue with Scripture in a straightforward manner. My responses always seemed to involve explaining away their plain meaning. 3.) When I finally embraced Arminianism, all my wife’s and mother-in-law’s arguments profoundly illuminated my understanding. In other words, their words had a cumulative effect rather than an immediate one.
Calvinistic preachers – Believe it or not, several Calvinist preachers, namely Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Paul Washer, Tim Conway, and Charles Leiter, provoked me to question my convictions. First, these men did not merely tolerate Arminians; they benefitted from them. This was a good example to me. Second, they promoted and celebrated Arminian preachers they trusted and respected, such as Leonard Ravenhill, the Wesley brothers, A.W. Tozer, E.M. Bounds, and Vance Havner. Through their influence, I drank from the wells of these Arminians as well. Third, and most importantly, these men were used of God to open my eyes to the actual victory we can have in the Christian life. Of especial use were their sermons on Romans 7:13-25 portraying an unregenerate man enslaved to sin and the law rather than a healthy Christian battling sin. What does this have to do with Arminianism? Arminians widely agree with that view of the famous Romans 7 man and tend to emphasize victory in the Christian life; Calvinists tend to wallow in defeat.
Bigger fish to fry – As I grew in my Christian walk and obtained several years of marriage, parenting, and ministry under my belt, I began to see that the Calvinist/Arminian debate was not nearly as important as people believed and/or portrayed. At least two theological spheres, namely the doctrines of God and the Christian life, were not handled well in modern Calvinistic circles. The broader Christian tradition, including Roman Catholicism, seemed to have a more historically orthodox grasp on God’s immutability, simplicity, and impassibility than many Calvinistic theologians of our day. Many Christians live in defeat and constant shame, partially due to the wretched man view of the Christian life so widely promoted by Reformed preachers and theologians. The importance of these subjects alone far exceed the need to grasp the order of God’s decrees in salvation.
Pebbles in my shoe – By this, I mean nagging questions and concerns with the doctrines of grace as I walked throughout life that would not go away…
Does God draw the non-elect? As we know, the “I” in TULIP is only reserved for the elect. However, does He in any sense (i.e. partially) draw the non-elect? This is especially relevant in a passage like Acts 7:51 where Steven the deacon charges his Pharisee persecutors with “always resisting the Holy Spirit”. Perhaps some of those wicked men were elect, thus eventually effectually called. However, that at least means that, up to that point, the Holy Spirit had begun drawing them, but not effectually. An even more relevant passage is Hebrews 6:4-6
For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt.
The eminent English Puritan John Owen in his Hebrews commentary essentially argues that just as one tastes food in order to sample it, so does the man in Hebrews 6:4-6 regarding Christ and His Gospel blessings. In other words, since such a man has merely tasted and not truly eaten, at most he partakes in the Spirit’s gifts, but not in Christ Himself. Though I disagree with that interpretation, that is not the pebble in my shoe. The pebble is if Calvinism is true, then God the Holy Spirit, at least in some cases, draws the non-elect individual just enough to give him a taste, but not enough to take and eat. Even further, this partial drawing ultimately caused the non-elect to “crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame”, which leads to a worse condemnation.
This idea of God partially drawing the non-elect was indeed a deeply disturbing concept, portraying God as one who taunts and teases rather than the God who, desiring none should perish, holds out His hands ready and willing to receive any who would come.
Is there only hope for some? As I mentioned above, my non-Calvinist wife stumped me with her charge that “You’re saying that some people in the world have no hope.” My response typically included the normal Calvinistic platitudes – “It’s a mystery.”; “God ordains not only the ends, but the means.”; “No one will be saved apart from the preaching of the Gospel”. “If they repent and believe, they will be saved.”; “People’s sin is what condemns them, not God.” My wife, sharp as a tack, would continue to poke the obvious holes in these retorts. This ate at me for years.
Will God deliver me? Passages like 1 Corinthians 10:13, Psalm 37:5, Luke 17:6 state in clear and vivid language that if we trust God and obey, He will give us power to overcome temptation and live righteously. Calvinism, however, teaches that God not only meticulously determines who will be justified, but how much justified persons will grow in sanctification. He determines the degree and timing of our conformity to Christ. The logical conclusion of this would have to mean that God ordains whether or not we will have enough grace and faith to say no to sin and yes to obedience in a moment of temptation. This thought not only plagued me intellectually, but spiritually. Every time the world, the flesh, and the devil would tempt me to sin, I questioned whether God would supply me with the power necessary to be victorious. If He eternally determined my growth in grace, how could I not think in such a way?
What kind of support or opposition did you encounter while questioning your Calvinistic beliefs?
Primarily, I found support from my Arminian wife. Given my history of changing positions in the past (though not of this magnitude), she was cautious. Even still, she was a blessed sounding board to help me articulate and refine my thoughts.
My co-pastor, a resolute Calvinist, has been the most forthright in his pushback. However, his and others’ opposition has been surprisingly tame.
Though from a distance, Internet Calvinists, Arminians, and Provisionists sharpened me profoundly in their writings, podcasts, and debates. I am thankful for them.
What primarily led to you abandoning Calvinism?
First, I had noticed years ago that at least one or two passages that spoke about the relationship between faith and regeneration portrayed the former preceding the latter. A combination of this and a jaded attitude about this doctrinal divide provoked me to finally reconsider my position altogether through basic prayer and Scripture reading. This journey produced the thoughts I have shared in this. The pebbles in my shoe became immovable boulders.
Thank you for reading.