New Calvinist Bible – Ezekiel (satire)

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The following post is a satire, written from the perspective of an overzealous Calvinist.

This post is part of a series on the New Calvinist Bible (NCB) – a new Bible translation designed to show Calvinism in all its glory. Click here to start at the beginning of the series.

Here we can see Calvinism stated clearly in the Old Testament. This great truth has been proclaimed throughout the ages and now shines through more brightly than ever thanks to the NCB.

Ezekiel 18:21-32 “But if a wicked person is irresistibly caused to turns away from all his sins that he has committed and keeps all my statutes and does what is just and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions that he has committed shall be remembered against him; for the righteousness that he has been irresistibly caused to done he shall live.

Have I any pleasure in the death of the wicked elect, declares the Lord God, and not rather that he should will definitely turn from his way and live? But when a righteous person turns away from his righteousness and does injustice and does the same abominations that the wicked person does, without having been given any opportunity to do otherwise, shall he live? None of the righteous deeds that he has done shall be remembered; for the treachery of which he is guilty and the sin he has committed, for them he shall die.

“Yet you say, ‘The way of the Lord is not just.’ Hear now, O house of Israel: Is my way not just? Is it not your ways that are not just? When a righteous person turns away from his righteousness and does injustice, without having been given any opportunity to do otherwise, he shall die for it; for the injustice that he has done he shall die. Again, when a wicked person is irresistibly caused to turns away from the wickedness he has committed and does what is just and right, he shall save his life. Because he was irresistibly caused to considered and turned away from all the transgressions that he had committed, he shall surely live; he shall not die.

Yet the house of Israel says, ‘The way of the Lord is not just.’ O house of Israel, are my ways not just? Is it not your ways that are not just? “Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways, with the ways of each person having been predetermined based on God’s arbitrary prior unconditional election of certain individuals to salvation with the rest being consequently chosen for damnation, declares the Lord God. Repent I will irresistibly cause you to repent and turn from all your transgressions, all you elect,; lest iniquity will be your ruin, all you non-elect. Cast I will irresistibly cause you to cast away from you all the transgressions that you have committed, all you elect, and I will irresistibly cause you to make yourselves a new heart and a new spirit! Why will you die, O you elect within the house of Israel? For I have no pleasure in the death of any elect one, declares the Lord God; so I will irresistibly cause you elect to turn, and live.”

Ezekiel 33:10-11 “And you, son of man, say to the elect within the house of Israel, Thus have you said: ‘Surely our transgressions and our sins are upon us, and we rot away because of them. How then can we live?’ Say to them, As I live, declares the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked elect, but that the wicked elect be irresistibly caused to turn from his way and live; I will irresistibly cause you to turn back, I will irresistibly cause you to turn back from your evil ways, for why will you you will definitely not die, O elect within the house of Israel?.

This was originally posted at The Predestination Station, where comments can be made.

Click for the next post in the series: 2 Corinthians 5

Unless otherwise indicated, all pre-Calvinization scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. This content was produced without any involvement or endorsement of these entities.