Calvinist Christmas songs – Now with Lyrics! (Humor)

, posted by Kevin Jackson

A few years ago we did a post on titles for Calvinist Christmas songs. This year we thought it would be fun to create lyrics for some of them. Enjoy, and merry Christmas to ALL.

Deck the Shelves With Books by Piper
Deck the shelves with books by Piper,
fa la la la la la la la la.
He’s Reformed but is not hyper,
fa la la la la la la la la.
Don wants books, but not apparel,
fa la la la la la la la la.
Troll Arminians with this carol,
fa la la la la la la la la.

All I want for Christmas is my ESV
All I want for Christmas is my ESV,
my ESV, oh my ESV
Gee if I could only have my ESV,
then I could wish some “Merry Christmas”

I Saw Edwards Dissing Santa Claus
I Saw Edwards Dissing Santa Claus
Puritans don’t celebrate that man.
He thinks Nick is a creep,
and that lost folks can’t be sheep,
He says that they are spiders.
hanging over open fires,
I Saw Edwards Dissing Santa Claus
even though Nick beat up Arius.
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If we weren’t decreed to sin.
Edwards dissing Santa Claus last night!

Good Christian Men Read Boyce
Good Christian men read Boyce,
with heart and soul and voice;
give ye heed to we say:
Christ was born but not for clay.
The elect before him bow,
to the rest we must say ciao,
Christ is born today!
Christ is born today!

Last Christmas You Gave You My Heart
Last Christmas You Gave You My Heart
Because this way, I cannot stray
This plan saves you from tears
And it makes you feel special.

I’m dreaming of a James White Christmas
I’m dreaming of a James White Christmas.
I’ll download podcasts of his show.
Where he don’t act Christian, but I still listen,
To hear him scoff and cause a row.
I’m dreaming of a James White Christmas,
With every blog post that I write.
May my days be merry and bright,
And may all my Christmases have White.

O come, All Ye Chosen
O come, all ye chosen,
Joyful and triumphant.
O come ye, o come ye by fatalistic plan.
Come and behold Him,
But only if selected.
O come, some must adore Him
O come, some must adore Him
O come, some must adore Him
Christ the Lord

Comments to original post may be made here.